Basketball Wives LA S3E5 _ HO TO HOUSEWIFE

This episode was filled with shade, shade, more shade (mostly from Jackie & “Poodle”), even a funny GIF moment courtesy from “crunchy edges” herself, & classic one-liners courtesy from Malaysia & Draya! So, let’s get it in!

Crunchy edges gives Jackie a tour of her “business,” & tries to rehash what happened at the GLAAD event. Crunchy edges decides to tell her side of the story about her “run-in” with Malaysia, & they discuss Draya’s absence. In response to Malaysia’s “dry-ass” hello, Brittish (see, I know her name) gave us this memorable moment: Image

Then, Jackie attempts to give a SHADY A$$ READ to Draya: “The mileage on her body is in the 40s. 50s! She’s really older. She’s used and abused herself to the point of no return so now you gotta man that’s willing to say, ‘Okay, you dirty, you filthy – come here. Let me bathe you and wash you cause you so dirty and filthy. And then we’ll buy you some stuff to make you look pretty.’ You know what I’m saying? But you cannot make a ho into a housewife.” Really, Jackie?? You & that “closet freak”, Doug, you’re married to act’s more like a bitch, & less like your husband. Malaysia & Draya are rehashing the drama of the GLAAD event (especially Brittish), & Malaysia is OVER IT. “I have no interest in getting to know her. Looking at her dry-ass hair. Looking at them saggy ass titties.”- you tell her, Malaysia. Malaysia goes on to say how ratchet “crunchy edges” got (sorry, but I had to), & how she took her shoes off threatening Malaysia. “You don’t get ratchet in front of the boo… ugh, that’s just ugly.” Now, If Draya knows how to carry herself in public, then so should “crunchy edges.” Then Malaysia gives the BEST one-liner of the night : “You can’t present yourself like trash, & expect me to treat you as treasure.”

Brandi & Malaysia touch base about Brandi’s IVF appointment. Brandi discusses her fear about having another child, then she talks about the IVF shots & Malaysia lends her support. Jackie & “Poodle” (I call her “poodle” cause she can’t make a move unless Jackie pulls the leash) decide to go visit a businessman about developing her own cognac. Jackie, you ain’t Diddy, & your cognac WILL NOT be Ciroq. Lorenzo & “crunchy edges” are at home discussing his career options. They both discuss Germany, & Lorenzo mentions how he loves how “Americanized” (is that even a word???) Germany is, then crunchy edges says she doesn’t like how ratchet & disrespectful “Germany chicks” are (uhhh, excuse me, but weren’t you the one who was ratchet at Jackie’s GLAAD event???).

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Brandi, Malaysia, & “poodle” decide to meet together, & clear the air. they agree to go to Palm Springs (Brandi brings it up, then Sundy (without an “a”) agrees, & Malaysia’s like “I’ll go as long as “crunchy edges” don’t go). Once again, Lorenzo & “crunchy edges” are anticipating a phone call from his agent. “Crunchy edges” will stay in LA, & take care of business. Is it me, or don’t B ball players go & play overseas when they can’t cut it in the NBA?? She gets all emotional when she finds out that Lorenzo has to leave the very next day, “Like, I don’t want you to leave tomorrow. This is so overwhelming, I didn’t have to work then cause I was able to go with you. Now, I have to work, & I can’t be there for you, & it’s like the worse thing ever.” Teardrops, Teardrops… Boo hoo hoo, Lorenzo is like, “Girl, shut the hell up so I can go & make this money.” Brandi, Draya, & Malaysia discuss Palm Springs, & Draya & Malaysia ain’t having it! Draya is very hesitant, & rightfully so cause Jackie “$hitstarter” Christie is always up to no good. “I ain’t got time for bitches to be messin up my stuff.” – Draya, girl, I know the feeling! Brandi attempts to encourage the ladies “poodle” one more chance. Sundy (without an “a”) gives her the heads up about Palm Springs. “Poodle” decides not to invite crunchy edges, & Jackie ain’t having it! “Poodle” continues talkin outta her a$$ about trying to make peace.

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Jackie and “Poodle” finally get to Palm Springs and Brandi was the 1st to join them. No one knows if Malaysia & Draya are coming to Pam Springs, but it’s obvious that “crunchy edges” won’t be in the mix. Jackie takes this opportunity to “school” Brandi on staying out of it if things “get real” between her & Draya (well Jackie, make sure you keep your poodle on a leash cause your dog is gonna roam free when Draya arrives in Palm Springs).

Next week, it’s Draya vs “Poodle” (I guess she broke free from the leash).

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